He could have been a footballer or a musician. As a kid growing up in Manipur’s little hamlet called Samu Lam Lan, Onler Karong took to football early on. It was something he learnt to master as a kid running amok around the village playground. Much later, in college in Shillong, he played for Customs and Central Excise. However, he never pursued football beyond that. The same goes for his love for music, which he never took up seriously, even though he breaks into a couple of Blues numbers on his guitar whenever he gets an opportunity.

A man of few words with a quiet demeanour, Onler is the man behind the superwoman. He spent his formative years in Shillong and Manipur. Having graduated from Shillong he went back home to do his post-graduation in political science from Manipur University. Later, Onler left home for Delhi to prepare for competitive examinations. It was in Delhi in the year 2000 that he first met Mary Kom. He was struck by her simplicity and determination to succeed. Today, even after 13 years together as a married couple with three children, it’s her simplicity and never-say-die spirit that continues to charm Onler. When Onler and Mary got married in 2005, Mary was well into her sport. Onler, on the other hand, was busy preparing for competitive exams, after giving up a full-time career as a footballer. He was also the president and sports secretary of Komrem Students Union. They first met at the Nehru Stadium in Delhi when Onler helped Mary tide over a crisis. Mary had lost her entire belongings (money and passport) during a train ride from Guwahati to Bangalore on her way to a national Boxing Camp and didn’t know how to get back her passport. Onler helped her complete the formalities to get a passport and also provided new-to-town Mary unconditionalemotional support. Gradually, they became close friends and in 2005, decided to take the plunge. By then, Mary had already won Silver and Gold medals in Women are World Championship and were a recipient of the Arjuna Award.

On a pleasant November day, Mary and Onler’s home in New Delhi’s tony Humayun Road presents a happy and relaxed picture of their marital life. That the couple work as a team is evident in all their daily activities. Mary is seated comfortably with her feet up on a chair, engaged in a conversation with her visitors. Onler, in a far corner of the same room, looks on, peeping every now and then on his laptop screen. He is all ears to what is being discussed – occasionally, giving his views in between conversations.

That in essence is what Onler is to Mary – her companion, confidant, guide and philosopher.

So, when Mary says:“Onler is the real hero,” we couldn’t agree with her more. In a freewheeling interview, Onler tells The NE Stories, what it takes to be the wind beneath Mary’s wings.

Photo: Jagan Negi

What do you feel about Mary’s historic sixth world championship title?

By winning a historic sixth world title, Mary has done what no other woman boxer has done before her. I am quite doubtful if anyone in the world can break her record. I would be surprised if anyone can break that record in the next 20-25 years. Nobody has won a world title for the sixth time, and I say so in all humility, knowing how hard my wife has worked and sacrificed her life for it. Every medal is a representation of her sweat and struggle. Her medals - they are also a symbol of triumph over hardship and struggle.

You are seen as the wind beneath her wings. So, you acknowledge that you are indeed a supportive husband?

I do not claim to be a hero. I am only a faithful husband and that is what I want to say. I take my wedding vow seriously and try to live up to it. When we got married, we made a commitment as husband and wife to support each other with love and respect under all circumstances in life. In fact, I feel that every couple should support each other with love and understanding.

We stood by each other through many challenging circumstances in our life. Some of the tough situations were concerning Mary’s career. For instance, after our twins were born, Mary wanted to get back in the ring. That meant having to leave our toddlers in my care when they were still being nursed. It was a tough call to make. However, it is always inspiring to see Mary’s interest and dedication to her sports. So she did the most natural thing – she went back to fight. In 2008, she left for the World Championship in China – it was the first tournament she participated as a mother. Our twins had just turned one. I was at home looking after them. Even though I usually accompany Mary in her tournaments, that was one trip she undertook without me. Of course, it was always difficult to decide whether to go along with her or stay back with the kids. It is imperative for us to understand that family is most important whilst career is equally important. However, we were able to prioritise things without letting one suffer for the sake of the other. It is about finding that balance - letting the two co-exist. It was difficult for Mary too. After one year of being with the babies, to get back to her sport wasn’t an easy task. My family members, including my in-laws, came to our help.

How did you handle tough situations?

Our youngest son was born in May 2013 after the Olympic Games. At that time, Mary contemplated on taking a break. Her desire to do so was dictated by her own physical condition. It was the second time that she had undergone a Caesarean operation - and for a sports person, this was slightly risky. But such decisions are impulsive and momentary. I could see that Mary still had a fire in her belly and a strong desire to continue her sport.  However, she was soon fit enough and so; the ring was the natural place for her to go back to. I remember having told her that it was completely up to her to do what she wants, and that she would always have my support. There have been many moments of sadness when we would cry together, but we would also face and overcome the problem together. When our youngest son was born, it was a surprise. Many people thought Mary was already pregnant when she represented India at the 2012 London Olympics. She wasn’t though. In that sense, our youngest was really made in London. That’s why we named him ‘Prince’.

Photo: Jagan Negi

Which has been your toughest time emotionally?

My father was murdered by militants in 2006. It was a blow to the family. We fumbled through a period of darkness as we tried to cope with the loss. It was difficult to imagine what must have prompted the culprits to do such a thing to my innocent father. Even today, we continue to wonder why. What did cross our minds then was the rising fame of Mary, who by then had already made a name for herself in boxing. Her popularity may have given rise to such darkness in their hearts. What surprised me most was how the case was never investigated and allowed to reach an inconclusive end by the authorities. I think only three local papers reported that Mary Kom’s father-in-law was murdered, without a single follow up. It was a setback for us. Mary felt responsible for the situation - as though her fame was the reason why my father lost his life. We even decided to stay away from sports activities. Mary contemplated taking up a job of a police officer – a post she was awarded by the state government. But God gave us the strength to face adversities and enabled us to move on. Personally, for me, there were many instances of temptation to avenge my father. On some occasions, anger and bitterness would overtake my being, but I somehow resisted, taking solace in the thought that it is not my place to avenge when God is there to do the needful. There were many friends who came to console us during our hardship.

Do you consult each other regularly?

We consult each other for all projects and programmes involving Mary. She asks and values my opinion on things. If there are programmes that she needs to attend, we usually study the pros and cons and come to a conclusion together. We try to be on the same page as a couple and that is also how we are able to maintain a harmonious relationship. Whether it is attending church or events, there are pre-discussions that we have together. There is almost nothing that she plans alone without my involvement; there is tremendous teamwork and a lot of discussion between the two of us. I take it upon myself to ease things for her.

How does it feel to be a hands-on daddy?

It’s something that has happened naturally. As I said, our kids were born during the peak of Mary’s fighting career and I opted to be at home with them while she goes for her tournaments and trainings. It’s routine for me to pick them up from school, sit with them to do their homework and play with them. I remember when our twins were toddlers; I used to carry them both – one on the back and one in front. If I carried one, the other would cry.

Photo: Jagan Negi

There is a lot of talk about a male ego. Does yours come in the way sometimes?

It depends on the situation, as human beings we all have egos. But we should not have negative ego as that is destructive. We should be positive enough to manifest the positive version of our ego. The correct manifestation of positive ego is good. For instance, it is positive ego when I say, that I am proud of my wife who is a boxing champion.

I feel that if you cannot trust your wife, you cannot trust others. It is complete trust that keeps us together and cements our bond. Sometimes she is away for two months from home for training. At times, I would wonder and momentarily complain to myself, ‘why am I alone?’ – But in reality, I realise she is only doing her job, something she also loves the most. In the end, it is only trust that enables us to maintain a balance.

I have no ego where Mary is concerned. She is a world famous athlete while I am a nonentity.  Most men may not take it well. But with me, I am so happy about her achievements. I do not claim that I have contributed in what she is today, nor do I claim to have mentored or nurtured her. But, as a husband, if you cannot do just this for your wife, what is the meaning or essence of marriage? Or, what is the meaning of the wedding vows and the promises you make when you put a ring on each other’s finger? Total commitment is very important in any relationship. Our life that we share together is a blessing. It is also a sacrifice for each other. Life only becomes meaningful when you share it with your partner wholeheartedly.

What are the few things that you do together?

Photo: Jagan Negi

We enjoy cooking together. Mary is a good cook and her choice of food is mostly simple and nutritious. Our traditional food, which is generally not laden with masala, is something she enjoys most. Mary loves watching movies, but we haven’t been to a theatre in a long time.

I won’t say I love to be in the kitchen, but I am used to dirtying my hands in the kitchen though not on a regular basis. In our tradition, whenever there is a feast, it is the men folk who do the work which involves, for instance, animal slaughtering in case of a large feast.

Do you have any regrets?

I have no regrets in life. All I have is gratitude towards God for what my life has turned out to be. I do not deserve this kind of life - I am so thankful to Him for this wonderful life with Mary.

What do you do in your free time?

I love to play the guitar. Given a choice, I would listen to Blues even though I cannot sing. I first learnt playing guitar when I was in college and always had a guitar with me. Mary and I usually jive together; she picked up playing some notes on the guitar. I was so happy to have taught her some notes.

I am also into fitness but do not subscribe to a regular work out. I keep my weight in check and rush to the gym when I feel I have exceeded my limit. I try to be fit and healthy.